Yesterday was a disappointment to me in some ways. I called NC/East Coast to explain to the Background Check People about my situation. They couldn't care a less. It's all about what the court records say. I agree, that is how it should be. BUT...I don't think I was given the chance to express my side of things. I didn't have a lawyer and I did express that I did not believe I was guilty. I was told to agree to a plea of NO CONTEST to get out of jail. Little did I realize I was basically admitting to GUILT. Deep down I knew I needed a lawyer. I didn't get one. For the rest of my life I'll pay for this mistake. I feel like such an idiot now. That'll pass...the decision that will follow me forever WON'T. I can never get a min. wage job with anyone who does a background check...ever again. That hurts. It's a hard "pill to swallow". My motto is: "If GOD brings me to it, GOD brings me through it". I've come too far to lay down and die. Jebus. So, tomorrow I'm gonna hit the pavement and apply everywhere. If you don't know, it's flooding all over this area. Whatever. I've got my fancy-schmancy polka-dotted rainboots and I'm not gonna let nothing or noone get me down. Well, I'm sure I'll be disappointed along the way, but that's to be expected. So bear with me. I'll try to be positive. What the hey, I have an inheritance coming soon. Life is still good. On a sadder note, my Poppy, Linnear was diagnosed with throat cancer this week. For those who don't know, I call Linnear "Poppy". He became my Poppy when my own Dad died in 2001. Linnear is an ornery, old , black man...who I have known and loved since 1992. All I can do is send a little money up to Alaska to help towards his hospital bills. I'm sad that I can't be there for him. I hate CANCER so bad!!!! That's all I'm gonna say right now. I'm tired. I'm gonna cry. Sheeeet, I'm buzzed. G'nite. Sad Trixie ps: I'll be ok, sorry for the sad posts lately. My luck has gotta change sooner or later. Thanks for putting up with me. God Bless ~

...tuesday's just as bad....(good song). Well, today hasn't been the greatest. I talked to the background check people and basically, I can't say anything that will make them overlook my record. Grrr. I left a message for the gal at TARGET who wants to hire me, to call me back. I'm going to explain my situation to her. Maybe, by some small chance, they can overlook the "blemish" on my background check and follow through with hiring me. I kind of doubt it, beings most companies follow protocal. I spent the morning trying to find something that will help me...anything, to get that stricken from my record. Nothing, nada, zip. Since I represented myself in court and plead no contest (I thought I had plead not guilty) then the court ruled it as me basically saying I did it. Looking back over everything, I should have asked for a lawyer. Now I have to face this charge the rest of my life, even though I'm innocent. There's nothing I can do now but face the facts. I guess I'll have to apply at jobs that don't do background checks. Jebus. Oh well, life goes on. I've come a long way and I gotta keep going. I trust the good Lord above has a plan for me. Other than that...I'm ok. I sent off for my Dad's death certificate so that by the end of the week I can mail the paperwork to my brother's tribe and collect on my inheritance. This will probly take awhile to happen, but at least I got the ball rolling. Once I get my pin number for my Alaska bank accounts, I'll transfer money to my Oregon bank and then I'll withdraw about 3 months rent to give to "D". That way I won't feel so pressured looking for a job. It's going to take some time I suppose. Meanwhile, I'll keep plugging away. That's my exciting day. Check ya later ~ Trixie

Thanks for all the well wishes and also God Bless the Veterans! Paula will be in the hospital for a few weeks. I haven't had a chance to talk to her yet. I'm hoping I can visit her soon. It's been a mellow weekend for me. Staying out of the wind and rain. I just got done watching NASCAR ~ Junior is 5th in points for the Nextel Chase. They were in Phoenix today. I'm hoping to go to Phoenix in February to see a NASCAR race. I tried to post something earlier but after a few tries, it was erased. Grrrr. I hate when that happens! This old computer sucks. Hopefully I can find a cheap laptop before long. Other than that, I'm feeling pretty good. Going to try to get things straightened out in the morning with the Background check people so they'll give TARGET the green light to hire me. I talked to my Mom for over an hour yesterday, that was nice. I haven't heard from that cute guy, Jon, that I met thursday night. Oh well. I'm just going to concentrate on getting a job this week. I'll check back later ~ Y'all be good! Trixie

I took the bus/max train to downtown Portland yesterday. It took an hour to get there. I went out with Merki and 2 of her co-workers, one being Amber, the birthday girl. We went to 4 bars and had plenty of drinks. Earlier in the day I had been exchanging e-mails with a cute guy I met on Personals. Anyway, as the night wore on...he called me and I invited him to come down and join us. We were in a bar with a mechanical bull. I was kinda tempted to ride it, thank goodness that passed, lol. Anyway, he showed up and was even cuter in person. He was a gentleman and I hope to see him again. I just got off the phone earlier tonight with Merki. When she got home last night her boyfriend, Jeffro was gone. This is the sad part. His Sister, Paula (the one who needs new lungs) had just taken her boys to spend the night with their friends. She went back home and fell asleep with a candle burning. Well, it caught her house on fire and it burnt down to the ground basically. Paula was in shock and doesn't remember anything. The fireman found her sitting out in the field, a neighbor down the road reported the fire. Paula has 2nd degree burns on her chest and other parts of her body. I feel so bad for her. I'm just glad everyone is alive. The dogs made it out but noone has seen the cats. They were outdoor cats, so I think they just got spooked and ran off, they'll probly come back in a few days. Her house (which she rented) was a total loss and it even burned her car up. She had ALOT of oxygen tanks and I'm sure that's what made the whole thing burn fast. Her oldest son is going to live with his Father in Idaho and I'm not sure what's going on with her youngest son. Maybe he'll stay with Jeffro & Merki. Paula will stay with her parents and hopefully will be able to rebuild her life. She's fragile right now with only 20% lung capacity, so this has happened at a bad time. Not that house fires are planned. Anyway, please include Paula and her boys in your prayers. So, today I've been laying low. I heard back from TARGET. They got word from the folks who did my background check that I need to call them and talk about that situation I wrote about in an earlier post. I hope I can convince them to hire me. I'm feeling mentally tired tonight. I think I'll just lay low this weekend. Then I'll call the company on monday morning to explain my side of the story and hopefully they'll give TARGET the green light to hire me. Paula's house fire will probly be on the news tonight, so I'll watch for that. It's weird cuz I was at the computer earlier today and heard the news on the TV mention the fire, but I was in the middle of something and didn't look up from what I was doing. It's weird to be in a new city and have something like that hit so close to home. OK, I think I'll check back later. Sorry to be such a downer tonight. I'm sure a good night's rest will do me good. Y'all take care ~ Trixie

I'm watching Jay Leno and he just informed us that the "fruit cake lady" has passed away. I liked her, she was full of spunk. Gosh, she must have been in her 90's and I loved that she always said what's on her mind. I hope to be able to do that, only with a little more "grace". Oh heck, who am I kidding? Perhaps I shouldn't wait till I'm in my 90's to be an "outspoken lady". I'm not as gregarious as her, but I do have a few opinions. I don't try to be mean or spiteful...nor do I push my religion or politics on you...it's just sometimes I feel like saying what's on my mind. Whether it's sports or whatever, I usually try to add to the conversation (unless I have no idea what you're talking about). Sometimes people don't know how to take that. Now, don't get me wrong...I'm not ignorant...it's just that I don't 'sugar coat' things. And yet we wonder why I'm still single...hahahahahaha. Gosh, seriously folks....I'm gonna miss the FRUIT CAKE LADY. God bless her. God bless us all. Trixie